Marriage advice from a newlywed?!

Last post I shared a bit of my thoughts on respect for my husband. Today I was thinking about my wonderful man and reflecting on the week, thinking back to times I may have shown respect to him and ways I may not have. I try to do this every night before we go to bed, just to be sure that he knows that I am aware of times I failed him and that I am working on making them far and fewer, and also so that he knows how much I respect him in my heart and mind even if at times my actions or words do not demonstrate that so well.

I don’t know a whole lot about marriage, its only been 11 months! But I can say that one thing that I am compelled to do at least once a day (sometimes more!) – is to thank Sweets for marrying me. The first couple of times I said this to him, I saw him light up and shine like never before, I know that I touched a place in his heart though he didn’t seem to know what to do with that!

He was surprised by my words and I think he took it negatively, as if I thought he had pity on me, or was doing me a favour in which I needed to thank him. In some ways maybe I feel this. Not for the same negative reasons, but my man is pretty amazing!   I dreamed my whole life of marrying a great guy, I had standards after all – but I never thought I would marry someone THIS awesome. I am still shocked he felt we were well fitted. On top of that, I come from a kinda wild, dysfunctional, emotional/vocal family and he comes from the most traditional, stable and reserved family. When I was young I dreamed of family life just like the kind in which he grew up, but with my personality coming out of my upbringing, I never imagined I could be yoked with someone from the complete opposite spectrum. I wasn’t expecting to marry poorly, or anything but I did expect to marry someone with a more similar upbringing, and a bit more chaos in their life.

So that being said, I am just so thankful for my marriage. I am thankful for so much about Sweets, our relationship, and our lives. But more than all of that I am so thankful that he chose me to be his one.  So everyday I cant help but tell him how thankful I am that he married me! Every day I see that same shine come into his eyes and smile as he assures me that he is equally thankful that I said “yes”.

I can not think of a better habit to have started in our marriage than open, vocal, love and appreciation for each other and this relationship.

So there’s my marriage advice of 11 months!  Appreciate your spouse verbally and let me know if they don’t light up and shine like never before!

Honour you God, Honour your marriage,

-Bree

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Advice

There is a lot of advice out there for married couples. Shops are lined with books on how to help, save, better, ect.. your marriage. I am sure all of it to one extent or another has applicable advice that would be beneficial.

Right now Sweets and I are in the newness phase still, everything is perfect and exciting and wonderful. I am not so naiive to think that this will last forever though. Of course, it is God’s will for our marriages to be joyful and wonderful and represent Him well. We will have struggles, disagreements and other issues over the years.  I am thankful that we are both realistic enough to acknowledge this and also to plan for it to some degree as best we can right now, ahead of time.

One of those ways (and some of the  best advice I have heard) was directly from my husband. The one thing he always made clear was important for our marriage was that “No Matter What, we always speak respectfully to and about each other.”

He said that sarcasm over time slowly breaks down people’s spirits and the relationship and that it has no place in marriages. At first I thought he was over emphasizing this a bit too much, but as I now spend a bit more time and activities with other couples I totally understand what he is saying and agree 100% . I hear other couples “joke” about being chained to the other, or things like “I wish they would leave but …still here”  It sounds so negative, almost mean. I heard it right away, it made me cringe and sad for the other person. It was this week that I clearly saw the significance of what Sweets was saying.

I was talking to  a newly engaged couple who have been together for two years. There were jabs and sharp comments to and about each other in the midst of our only 15 min chat.  At this time when they should be the most excited and joyful for their union, already they make comments about being sick of the other or not being able to get away. I know they are joking and I assume they are looking forward to the wedding, but the point is that if they are already in the habit of wounding the significance of the other or the relationship in casual conversation what happens when they aren’t as happy or are disappointed or whatever? Yikes.

Sweets and I left that conversation re-vowing never to speak in a similar manner. Always speak highly and praise your spouse, even when you have grounds to criticize. There is a time and place to speak to them about change but in front of others where you can make them look/feel diminished or inadequate  is not a good place or practice for a marriage (or any relationship really.)

Speak highly and honour the one you have!

Blessings

Every Morning is Christmas Morning!

Sweets has encouraged me to Journal/ record my thoughts and feelings at this early stage in our union so that in later years if I ever need to, I can look back and remember what we are doing this all for and how it all started.

I have been struggling to sleep next to him still. Just not used to another body in the bed! Its taking longer than I thought it would to get used to and this is something I had not heard before! I assumed that I would just LOVE sleeping next to him so much that I would instantly fall into blissful sleep. Not so! He breathes and makes noises, sometimes he moves even! and I don’t know if this is normal and just something I never was told before/came across in all my readings – but guys (well my guy anyhow!) also have their own smell.

No, really! He has his very own scent. I am not sure what it is, but its 100% natural and it’s not a BO smell or anything like that. It’s not even bad or odour-y but it’s there, and its noticeable when I climb into bed and try to sleep. I am just not used to it yet. I know in time I wont even notice it but until then…I lay awake smelling him over and over again. I can’t get enough! I enjoy it! It’s just another thing that tells me BREE YOU ARE MARRIED!!! ha-ha It makes me so happy ( even though I am tired all day). I wonder if other people experienced this their first days together?

These days I wake up early, around 5:30 has been the trend. I get up real quiet and tip-toe around the apartment (our apartment here in Japan has NO DOORS! that means our bedroom is right open to the kitchen and living-dining room) Sweets sleeping is about 5 footsteps away from the kitchen table and I try my best to be real quiet, drink a cup of tea, pray and read for a while, it’s very lovely!

But then at about 7am or so I get anxious. I want to talk to him!! I just can’t wait till he wakes up! It feels like when I was a kid on Christmas morning. In our house we couldn’t wake my parents until 7am so until then it was just waiting and waiting excited and anxious and getting more impatient minute by minute!

Usually sweets wakes up between 7 and 8am so it’s very exciting!! As soon as he says good morning its like I just opened my Christmas present! I jump on the bed to kiss him and we spend a good time talking about our sleep, our dreams we remember and the plan for the day. It’s so nice!!! I am just so content and enjoying our time together. It makes the day feel BEAUTIFUL no matter what and it so far has been the best way for me to start my day!!!

I am sure in time, I will get used to him and everything wont be so amazing or keep me awestruck. I mourn that day 😦

But isn’t that the special thing about marriage? Where we can be in awe and amazed at what God has done in our lives if we just take the time to look and appreciate the person God designed for us and us for them? I hope so and I plan to! I am making it my own goal to continue to appreciate and enjoy every minute while I can. This is the good advice I am choosing to take. And it’s not too late, no matter how long you or anyone has been married I think choosing this way can breathe new life into an established and comfortable union as well.  Let us all live like every morning is Christmas morning! How fulfilling marriage should be!