A Husband’s Expectations

Do you ever wonder if a wife’s role in a marriage is more based on societal expectations more than truth and in some cases even more than your husbands expectations?

I do not know if this is right or true or even the case for most marriages, but I have expectations that  I have actually placed on myself. Things that I plan to do and expect to do for my husband once we are married (in 70 days!)

I have expressed many of these ideals to Sweets and surprisingly he had hardly thought about let alone expected most of what I told him I felt were my jobs after we married. (things like: cooking him breakfast every morning, making his lunch each day, learning new recipes to cook for him, and making sure that I have at least 2-3 dishes for dinner to name a few.)

I realize that some differences about Sweets may simply be that both of us have been single and living on our own in foreign countries for 7 years. His expectation in a wife may be a little different because of this.  But that aside, I still have these images in my mind about what a “good wife” looks like.  I wonder if this is typical for newly engaged women, women in general or if we simply do just take on the roles that society dictates makes us “good wives”?

I want to share something that I have read and maybe you can see what I mean. To be sure, I agree with everything I am about to quote. I am striving and working towards this goal. But Sweets disagrees and does not believe that all men have these same expectations on their wives – as women put on themselves and each other.

“I don’t care how liberated you are, when you are married there will always be two arenas that will ultimately be your responsibility: home and children. Even if you are the only one working and your husband stays at home to keep the house and tend the kids, you will still be expected to see that the heart of your home is a peaceful sanctuary – a source of contentment, acceptance, rejuvenation, nurturing, rest, and love for your family. On top of this, you will also be expected to be sexually appealing, a good cook, a great mother, and physically, emotionally and spiritually fit.” (The power of a Praying Wife, Stormie Omartian)

It’s a big job for us to take on. I am starting to REALLY see the benefit of the engagement time now! Only 70 days to get my act together?! 🙂

God made them male and female

As a soon to be wife I am always trying to learn new things and study from those who know more than me. My pastor always says “Experience is the best teacher – it just doesn’t have to be your own experience.” I also have always loved that saying “a smart man learns from his experiences, but a wise man learns from others”. That being said, I am always looking for others experiences and advice on marriage so that I will not have to go through some of the unnecessary pain and heart ache others have gone through, and I wont put my husband through them either.

Advice that I have been hearing is that the 1st year of marriage is the hardest. I will definitely let you know if this is true for me, but in my mind I expect the 2nd to be our hardest. They say the 1st is most difficult because you have to give up independence, making our own decisions and doing things on a whim. Also you have to learn to live with another person in your life, home and personal space. I totally get this. I am expecting hard adjustments! But I have been waiting so long that I think in the beginning they will be enjoyable and appreciated adjustments. I will be so happy I have my husband there to adjust to! I have been waiting and praying for a long time for him and now here he is! So I think our 1st year of marriage may be quite blissful and exciting. (I think!) But once that settles in and we get comfortable and used to each other, I imagine that this is where resentment and annoyances have an opportunity to breed.

So I study! I definitely never want to feel negative towards the man I am right now so so so thankful for. I know he is not perfect but right now he is perfectly imperfect for me! I want to do everything I can to keep this thought and opinion about him. Remind myself daily what I love about him, and what makes him the great man that I know he is.

We have our hard times even now. He is not as “sensitive” as I want him to be. He doesn’t understand my feelings and it causes me to feel hurt and loneliness. I desperately want him to understand my girly emotions and feelings about everything! haha BIG MISTAKE. Turns out I am marrying a MAN! He will never be able to understand really and he will never be as emotional or sensitive to things as I am. So, I remind myself when I feel sad or misunderstood all the things I love about Sweets. This has really helped me to focus my attention and take hold of the thoughts and emotions that want to sulk and get pouty with him, that want to be angry and hope he feels a little bit of pain that I feel.

The Bible tells us we have the mind of Christ. ( 1 Cor. 2:16) This brings me back to looking at my own thoughts from His perspective. When I feel I am entitled to a more sensitive man, or that I was treated unfairly I must understand that these selfish, resentful thoughts are not Christ’s but flesh. I can choose to change my thinking, focus on what Christ would want me to focus on (the positives, the goodness and the christ-likeness of my man) and really truly look at the situation for what it is and not what I hope or wish it would be.

God mad them male and female. (Gen. 5:2) That simple sentence always speaks millions to me. Take a minute to reflect on the differences between a man and woman, not just our physical make up, but mental and emotional as well.

Feel better about that relationship? I know I do!