I am engaged!

What does the mean exactly?

Sweets and I had so many talks and questions about what each of us thought it meant to be engaged, or what the purpose of engagement was.

He saw it as preparation time. We should not prepare anything until after the engagement.

I saw it more as “the time before the wedding”. So since we started to talk about marriage and think about the future I was constantly thinking “what are you waiting for?!”

For me the engagement was a technicality, a tradition or expectation. It just needed to be done! But really it could have been a week or a month and that would have been fine for me. I figured as long as we were talking about and planning to get married we were in the “preparation time”.

This caused (me mostly) great frustration in the months since we started to talk about marriage and our future together. It always worried me a bit that he was so willing to talk about it, make general plans about our hopes and visions for the coming years and contracts, but not actually “put a ring on it!”

Now that I am (finally!) engaged. I am actually very thankful for that time. Not that it changed much about my perspective at all really. BUT what it did do is give me that much more time to prepare to be a wife. (as of this moment I have been engaged for exactly 53 days, and we have 92 days till the wedding! Yay!)

I don’t think that Sweets understands all that much of what being a wife entails. And the great responsibility that is placed on us as man’s helpmeet.

What I wrote about frequently in the past was basically my quest with God to find contentment in my single life. It was the biggest struggle for me and until I started that deliberate journey to have God be my all in all, and be joyful and content in Him without the need of a man or relationship I constantly felt like I was being left out, looked over and that God was holding out on me. In time I did become content and satisfied, fully and truly!

Afterwards, it took another year of learning that I was part of the problem, and that much of what I was expecting was directly related to what I was receiving. This revelation totally changed EVERYTHING in my life! (You can read about it here).

Once I started to change my thoughts, words and expectations I began to change as well. And I started to study about being a wife and the call to be a man’s helpmeet.

What I was learning was crazy! I learned things such as doing good to my husband ALL the days of my life. Not just after I’m married, not just my “married life” but ALL the days of my LIFE. (proverbs 31)I had much repenting to do. This was eye opening and I realized I wasn’t living in a way while single that would benefit my husband of the future. With God’s help and direction I made a great many changes. I studied topics I wouldn’t have otherwise thought of on my own, and slowly but surely over the past 2.5 years I have changed and softened (still plenty more to melt!)  God has really worked things in and out of me to make me a much much better helpmeet than I would have been even a few months or a year ago.

So I say again that even though my perspective on engagement hadn’t changed I do appreciate the more time I have to study, practice on our dinner nights, and learn good wifely habits that will become natural and helpful to my husband after our wedding and as we begin our lives together.

Now I will say something I have pretty much never said before! But really truly. WAIT. Have Patience, take the time, and wait for both of you to be ready. As you wait do not waste the time (Ephesians 5:16) feeling sorry for what you don’t have, or how things aren’t how you imagined/planned them to be. Trust the Lord for the life he has for you, learn to embrace it (its a learning process for sure, takes tons of time!) but use the time to your benefit. Practice good habits you will need for whatever you are waiting to manifest. And above everything study God’s Word in that area. Meditate and Soak in Him as often and as much as you can. Then no matter what – you will have the best attitude to live out whatever life plan God allows and permits for you.

I still have 92 more days till my wedding, and I am trying my best to use that time to the fullest. Learning new recipes, finding time in my already busy schedule to exercise, cook, clean, read, study, pray and have fun! It is challenging but its also Blessing.

God believes in me enough to entrust one of His children into my hands, and me in the hands of one of His children. I will be doing everything I possibly can to live up to His expectations and show my thankfulness and appreciation for the privilege of being a wife.