Safe dating = safe marriage

Safe dating leads to a safe marriage.

This is my theory anyhow. I will have more concrete evidence to support this in the coming months and years. But for now I will stand by my thoughts on this.

What is dating? This is definitely going to be viewed differently from one couple to the next and that’s perfectly alright. I am not a big fan of dating. In my opinion its a lot like shopping around for the best deal. And you know, this works for some people and I mean no judgement by it. But for me, I am more about courtship rather than dating. They are similar I suppose. I mean when you are courting or being courted it is not a signed contract, there are no promises spoken before God and family. This is the time to pray and fast and follow where God is leading…either towards that person or if need be away.

But for me courtship is more deliberate than dating. Dating is more of a recreational past time. Enjoyable none the less. I did my share of dating over the years. But it never lead anywhere concrete. Serious commitment never came out of it, and truth be told I was never really prepared to commit to those whom I was in a dating relationship with. Even though on the surface I even believed myself that I was ready to commit to them forever. But always there was a tiny tiny nagging feeling deep deep down barely noticeable except in my stillest of moments. It was easy to ignore it, half the time I didn’t even notice it! But every so often I’d have a thought… “Is this all there is?” “Is there something I may be missing?” “this is the last person I will ever be close with” and fear and doubt would begin to take form. ( by the way love is not in question here. This has nothing at all to do with that feeling of love towards a particular person. ) This goes deeper and wider than that.

But dating was safe, we could break up if it didn’t work out or if he was different than I expected. We could change our minds and follow happiness, or find someone more ___ or less____.

But the purpose of courtship is to lead to marriage. Literally. You would only court a person whom you would seriously consider marrying.  (therefore courtship starts at the age of marrying, not before) You court the person knowing full well that they are probably a mess inside, that they have tons of things that will drive you crazy and yet despite it all you  want to take all the good the bad and the ugly and promise to God to cherish that person for as long as you both shall live.

Courting is not about the physical but the emotional, intelligible and spiritual  connections between the two people. Until sweets and I started on this path together I realized I had never been courted before. I had been purposed to once and marriage was spoken about in two other relationships as well, but I understand now that was all just hot air. I had made a decision after those failures and misunderstood life and love that I was going to hold off on kissing until I was ready to marry. That way physical emotions couldn’t get in the way and mix up my discernment from the Lord. And it prevented other things from clouding our judgment.

The way sweets and I viewed our courtship is not a rule or even a suggestion for others to follow. But it did amazing things for me and in me in regards to this relationship. Sweets and I courted for nearly 6 months before we had our first kiss. I am very happy and excited that we were able to share such a sweet and memorable moment, I wouldn’t change a thing!  In the six months we spent hours and hours walking, talking, asking and answering questions. Sharing our thoughts, hopes and dreams. We read the bible and pray together regularly. Our goal is to keep the Lord at the center and give Him something to approve.

This leads to my thoughts on safe “dating”. Do whatever is possible to keep the relationship safe from sin, and sabotage; sexual or otherwise.  Its not always easy. Even when not kissing and getting physical it can be difficult to stay on track, pressing toward that center Goal. But I think of no other way to be sure that God can and will bless the union.

To have the Lord’s Blessing, is the safest way to live!

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